„Feel free to share, obliged to
quote, and appreciated for both!“

As with any emotional state, language helps us as much as it can to put an emotional state into words.

When we think of satisfaction, we quickly think of two states – the desired state of satisfaction and the undesired state of dissatisfaction.

However, this representation leads to a dead end, because we are not dealing with an on and off button that we can set to two states like a light switch.

Instead, it is helpful to realize that both states of mind can come in a healthy (functional) and an unhealthy (dysfunctional) form. This leads to four approaches:

  1. Functional happiness

Not much text is needed here – we all (hopefully) know what functional contentment feels like, like spending the first summer day of the year sitting on the rooftop patio or in the park with friends and a drink in hand, enjoying the moment. A promising approach to cultivate this type of happiness is through thankfulness for the content moments.

  1. Dysfunctional happiness

Dysfunctional happiness differs from real happiness in that it brings “no time to enjoy”. This often looks like this: We are basically looking forward to a drink on the roof terrace with friends, but we can’t fully enjoy it or can’t enjoy it for very long. This is because our thoughts dictate that there is still a lot to do and that we can’t take a break. A promising approach to escape this false happiness is to create space and time to enjoy and to treat yourself with something pleasant after a success.

  1. Functional unhappiness

While the unhealthy kind of happiness with permanently increased workload often leads to burnouts, we owe the power to change to a functional unhappiness. We are bothered by a process in the office, then we suggest a better one. We are annoyed by dubious offers from LinkedIn messages, then we block the senders. We’re annoyed by the bad feedback for our lasagna, then we pick a new recipe or cook it just for ourselves.

Ultimately, it can be argued that many breakthrough innovations had their origins in a functional unhappiness of at least one person. Without that unhappiness, we would not have most of the things that contribute to our happiness today. A promising approach to escape this unhappiness is to get involved and change things that you can influence.

  1. Dysfunctional unhappiness

While the unhealthily satisfied often don’t give themselves a break, the unhealthily dissatisfied see things as problematic, bad, or unfair by default.

Their own filter is set for dissatisfaction. The weather is not as desired, one is constantly treated unfairly when it comes to salary, and politics is basically incapable of solving problems anyway.

A promising approach for this type of unhappiness is to look for honest feedback from others and reflect on your own behavior. A professional coaching can be blessing to accomplish this.

So where does the journey lead?

As is often the case, we start with an inward look and a self-analysis. In which of the four described states do you find yourself more often and in which ones less often?

Are you satisfied with this or does the desire for change arise?

Next, it’s about goal setting, which is – sorry dear guidebooks – counterintuitive and not geared towards permanent contentment.

Rather, it’s about cultivating contentment both as a baseline noise and in pleasurable moments, and addressing your own dissatisfaction the rest of the time.

First the dysfunctional discontent that doesn’t get you anywhere, and then the problems that bother you and that are valuable precisely because they bother you. Because the great thing is that every dissatisfaction resolved brings a fulfilling sense of satisfaction with it. Being able to enjoy this feeling of satisfaction to the fullest is then the final step towards a healthy cycle of satisfaction.

More articles

by Antoni

How to reach your goals with CORE Questions

When it comes to personal and professional development, the CORE questions have emerged as a powerful tool for self-reflection and goal-setting. These four fundamental inquiries—Challenge, Outcome, Resources, and Effect—provide you with a systematic approach to show you the way from problem focus to goal focus.
By delving into each aspect, you can gain more clarity, define your objectives, mobilize your resources, and evaluate the impact of your actions. In this blog post, we will explore the significance of the CORE questions and how they can guide you towards accomplishing your aspirations.

Read more …

by admin

A rotor spins as a symbol for SPIN questions

Questioning Techniques: How to use SPIN Questions

Questioning techniques are an essential element in my coaching kit. Today I am therefore starting the ABC of Questioning Techniques, in which further questioning techniques will follow in the coming weeks. Let's start with the SPIN questions - SPIN stands for situation questions, problem questions, implication questions and benefit questions. In this blog post you will find out where SPIN can help you and how it works in a sales meeting with a client.

Read more …

by admin

How to solve team conflicts in seven steps

I often come across ongoing conflicts in teams of all kinds. And while a certain amount of conflict in the team can contribute to the achievement of goals, some conflicts develop in a destructive direction. Both openly acted out conflicts as well as hidden and subliminal conflicts then inhibit cooperation and thus also the quality of results in day-to-day business or in projects. In this blog article, I explain my method for effectively resolving conflicts in the team.

Read more …

by admin

What we can learn about ourselves from moral licensing

Today we are talking about the psychological phenomenon of moral licensing. In the following, you will learn what it is all about and how I assess the different types.

Read more …

by admin

Question Storming - how the method works best

Today's blog article is about Question Storming - one of my favorite methods in workshops. Unfortunately, the method is often used incorrectly and thus does not reach its full potential. In this article you can read how you can do it better in your organization and your team.

Read more …

by admin

Leadership live webinar

Today I'd like to introduce you to my regular live webinar for people in leadership positions on the topic of " solving problems effectively". In this article you can find out what the webinar is about, what's the added value for your, why I'm holding it live and how you can register.

Read more …

by admin

Four approaches to a happy life

Today we are dealing with a classic question that many well-intentioned and poorly made guidebooks unfortunately come up with. The question of our own satisfaction and how we can best achieve and maintain a "happy state". Here we go...

Read more …

by admin

A palace as a symbol of 3A-Coaching project in India

How a Coaching in India broadens your horizon

Today I share my latest international coaching project with you.
20 coaching sessions with different people from India. In this article I will share my thoughts on why I highly recommend everyone to get exposed to a completely different environment than the one you are used to, both privately and professionally.

Read more …

by admin

The view up on trees from the ground as a symbol for perspective change in coaching

How to solve problems with perspective changes

Today let's take a look at a popular tool that you can expect to find in every good coaching toolbox - change of perspective. I will go into what the change of perspective is all about, how you can make the best use it for yourself and how a "cerebral cinema" for two practical examples looks like. 

Read more …

by admin

Successful investments using the mountain metaphor

Today we are talking about investing money in the stock market. And specifically about the emotional challenges of investing money. This aspect is often underestimated - which is why this article teaches you what shouldn't happen to you and your investments on the stock market. Of course, this is not investment advice, but only my personal opinion as a private investor and coach.

Read more …

by admin

How we can learn to make the best decisions

We make several thousand decisions a day - which is quite a lot, in fact. We make most of them without any significant cognitive effort, virtually automatically. Other decisions are the result of thorough analysis and thoughtful evaluations. And sometimes we postpone decisions to infinity. In this blog post you can find about out what we can learn from our decision-making styles and you'll find some specific examples from the world of professional sports (Golf and football/soccer)...

Read more …

© 2024 - 3a-coaching.de/en - Alle Rechte vorbehalten